Whiplash

The later in the season, the more boring I find the Mystery Box Challenge. There are fewer contestants to watch, making things seem even more drawn-out yet with no more insight into the actual cooking process -- here, flambé with a choice of five liqueurs -- than when there were twice as many chefs. Even worse this week, Stephen wins it, so we have to spend the rest of episode without at least the hope that he's going home. But at least we get to watch the judges perform a little synchronized flambé that I guess we'll all accept happened on the first take!
As usual, the winner of the Mystery Box Challenge is safe from elimination -- they're cooking Southern food next -- and gets to choose the dish; Stephen opts for chicken and waffles over shrimp and grits, and gumbo. The extra-special prize is letting him pick one contestant to have half the sixty-minute cook time, and he chooses Derrick. Which is fine, except we all have to listen to him heckle Derrick the entire time like a not particularly bright nine-year-old.

Tommy and Hetal finish one-two in the elimination test, with Shelly and Claudia's subpar offerings landing them in danger. It doesn't seem very difficult to predict Shelly's going, as she's been coasting for a time. She plans to save her money, go to culinary school, and as usual, you'll be hearing from her!

Let's rankle! Least to most objectionable:

1. Tommy
   "I'm so glad that I'm not the only thing flaming in this kitchen tonight!" yells Tommy early on, leading into a whole lotta Tommy (which turns out to not be the ruin of his appeal) thanks to his Bananas Foster with apples and maple-bourbon cream, and a knockout punch of duck-fat-fried chicken with pecan quinoa-corn waffles.
2. Hetal
   Christina has Hetal in her sights from the beginning of the Elimination Test. Hetal makes Indian-spiced fried chicken with cornmeal waffle, and then Christina pretends she's disappointed before declaring it delicious.
3. Olivia
   Announces that the liqueurs make her want to do shots, and then vanishes until she pops up with a so-so glazed chicken with orange and ginger waffle.
4. Katrina
   Follows up the best dish she's served yet -- sea bass with seafood stew -- with a lackluster miso fried chicken with scallion waffles, and Gordon cannot resist a "miso disappointed" joke.

   But for god's sake, woman. You're advancing steadily through a television competition, not watching a loved one being executed.

5. Nick
   Says the Mystery Box reminds him of his college years, like maybe he used to get drunk and start fires, and then he skates by with his southwest chicken and waffles with horseradish-maple syrup. Graham's like, "Maybe southwest Germany." Nick needs to try more than just being there.
6. Claudia
   Serves up cayenne fried chicken, with lemon and thyme sweet waffle that looks terrible, says Gordon, like it just came out of a diner. I kind of have to assume some diners serve up great chicken and waffles, though.

   But there's worse: the chicken is still pink, and when Claudia -- unused to being in this position -- weakly starts to say if she'd had a little more time for garnish, Gordon takes her head off: "How dare you ask for more time when there's a guy standing behind you that had half your time?" (Derrick, of course, obligingly provides silent reaction shots in the background.) Not to mention, six other chefs with the exact amount of time she had?

7. Shelly
   Goes through waffle after waffle looking for just the right one, and then still serves the judges a bland one. But that's the least of her troubles, because she also serves up pink chicken -- despite the underside having been hacked open, apparently with a machete -- when there's cooked chicken back at her station. Then she serves up a sob story about everything getting to her recently, and throws in another egregious sin, lamenting it wasn't "Shelly on a plate." Yeah! She even third-personned it!
8. Derrick
   Derrick announces his Mystery Box dish is going to be "super-artsy," like maybe leave the artistic assessments up to some creative people, DRUMMER. Have to give him credit, though for taking the Elimination Challenge handicap in stride, then serving up non-aesthetic but tasty buttermilk chicken and waffles with spicy blackberry-maple reduction. He's first up, knows he's safe, and presumably smirked all the way through the rest of the judging.
9. Stephen
   Announces that the closest thing he's ever been to flambé was burning down his house in 1998, and god forbid we hear anything more about that. Continues to say "man" a hundred times a minute, as well as things like, "The food, it's telling me what it wants. And I'm listening." He wins the Mystery Box challenge with his sea bass with leeks, garlic, and pecans. Gordon makes the mistake of calling him a "wild beast" which means they have to growl at each other for twenty minutes, and then during the Elimination Challenge, he heckles Derrick the entire time.