'One Hundred Percent Full Dread From The Cosmos'

Ugh, the feed-the-masses challenge: it's just not relevant, is it, except to create drama, which any fine-cuisine challenge could do just as well; and to identify who struggles with leadership, which isn't something the judging emphasizes consistently. It's like Top Chef's Restaurant Wars episodes, in that maybe there's pertinent information about the contestants' ability to manage a real-world kitchen/dining situation in there, but that information is so secondary the rest of the time, I wonder who/what it's for.

No question who Tommy's Kermit The Frump cinnamon roll is for: no one.

Who's coasting and who's getting rolled? To the list!

1. Knott's Berry Fashion
   Shelly's hooptagons,

   Stephen's goggles,

   and Tosi's Hepburn realness all kill it style-wise.

2. Veronica
   Her earnest "I'm so sorry we weren't there for you" when Blue Team has to short their line the fish is cute.
3. Gordis Ramsley II: Revenge Du Pompadour
   Somewhat deflated from last week, alas.
4. Hetal
   Her DPT chai-roll flavor story sounds delicious; her decision to tag in for Derrick when Darah's already saved her is overpraised, by Hetal herself not least. She's not self-righteous about it, and I like her, but it's a competition. The idea is to get to the end. Maintaining one's personal honor is fantastic, buuuuut you're on FOX.
5. Katrina
   I know everyone's got her pegged as Elise II: Electric Pie-Cryaloo, but -- you know the expression about how it's not brave if you're not afraid? I like that she's anxious, and weepy, but also buckles down for the cry-and-dice, and sasses Tommy or laughs at his taunts. She won't get to the end, but I'm on her side.
6. Olivia, Christopher, Claudia, and some other people
7. Kerry Nation
   The rationale for anointing him team captain -- he's an HR guy IRL -- is dubious, but he doesn't mess around when it comes time to delegate. I don't know how much difference it really makes in the heat of battle, because you never do with MC, but I like his style. (Forgetting the onion rings is not a great look, however.)
8. Nick, VP of onion rings
   He's...well, I was about to call him "a secret Cutter," but that's not in terrific taste, is it. My point is that I suspect he's one of those dudes I kind of like now, but will come to dislike once he creeps into the Top 12.
9. Darah
   The G-Rated Pinup means well, but isn't a good manager and biffs the Dreaded Pressure Test, serving undercooked cinnamon rolls. I can't speak to whether Katrina's right that she's saving her friends when asked to pick five for the DPT, but at least she puts herself in the line of fire. Pity she gets cut down but we all knew Katrina and Tommy wouldn't go so early.
10. "I don't even eat cinnamon rolls!" - Tommy, who needs to get out right now
    And the extreme beef with Katrina, "the BITCH who threw me under the bus," strikes me as much more intense on his side. Wonder what we're not seeing here. Disorganized, pissy week for Tommy Badrama.

    Screens: FOX

    ...Who needs to not pull that face when Katrina responds to shit he started.

11. "One of the most exciting baked goods to enjoy" - English 1, Tosi 0
    It's no poignancy of goat cheese, and I love cinnamon rolls a lot despite the raisins that oft lurk within, but "exciting" is not what she means, unless you replace the crumbled nuts on the top with Pop Rocks or something, and then "disgusting and contrived" is what she means.
12. "Darah clearly picked some weird people"
    It's not as obvious Graham's getting saddled with Basti lines this time around, and in fact, his super-sarcastic "because she had a happy face" when Darah chooses to save Ailsa based on her positive attitude is all the nastier for seeming genuine. And is it that bullshitty a reason, coming as it does from the theme-park "cast member" you put in charge of her team because she's a theme-park "cast member"?
13. Fish and chumps
    Let me ask you guys a question. Who gets fish and chips at a theme park? No judgments; I just don't get it. I also don't get why Gordon is railing about the fish not being cooked when customers haven't arrived yet -- he'd rather have it sitting under the heat lamps, in the sun, for however long service is alleged to take, with the batter getting flabby? One of the myriad instances in which more timeline transparency would make for a more compelling show overall, but: oh, well.
14. "I've never seen a team in such disarray!" - I actually have seen you so full of shit, Gordo, but this is still a silly statement